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Quick Exit! |
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A Florida Orchardist went to visit a nearby pond on his property. He carried a bucket to get some water for his dog whom he'd left relaxing under a tree. Getting to the pond he spied two tresspassers; young women wading in the pond. The girls ducked under the water and said they would not come out until the man left. The man, wanting to have some fun, said "Don't worry, I was just leaving after I feed the alligators. 
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Dog Jokes and Quotes |
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Publicity for the Publicity Hound?
What does a pet-related pet site such as MillionDollarPetPix.com have to do with a publicity hound, aside from the obvious word "hound"? For many the many owners of pet-related web sites, it could be the abundance of practical advice about how to get free publicity and how to become a publicity hound yourself.
But the bonus for all pet lovers is that Joan Stewart, The Publicity Hound has collected more than 170 great dog jokes and quotes that are clean and in good taste. This is available in a downloadable ebook entitled... you guessed it!... "Dog Jokes and Quotes". So, if you enjoy great dog jokes then you can check it out here!
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One Confused Parrot... |
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 There was this magician who owned a large talkative red-headed parrot that he aptly named Snipes.
Every single time the magician did his magic act, this bratty parrot would spoil the trick. Snipes would scream out, "It's up his sleeve" or "It's in his mouth" or "It's right behind him."
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Giraffe and Lion |
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A man walks into a bar with a Giraffe and he proceeds to get a little blitzed. The giraffe waits and waits for the man to finish his drinks until finally the giraffe falls alseep curled up on the floor. When the man finally gets up to leave the bartender yells, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The very confused man replies, "That's not a lion! It's a giraffe!"
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Baby Ducks... |
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 Q. Why do baby ducks walk softly?
A. Because they can't walk hardly at all!
- In loving memory of Danny Kaye
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Stay... Stay! |
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One sunny Saturday afternoon I pulled into the crowded parking lot at a Wal-Mart Shopping Center. I rolled down the car windows to make sure that Maisie my Labrador Retriever pup would have enough fresh air while I was in the store for a few minutes.
Maisie was stretched, full-out on the back seat, and pretty much ignoring me and keeping out of sight.
I wanted to impress upon this new pup of mine that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay! Stay!"
The driver of a nearby car, a very pretty young lady, likely thinking I was talking to the car, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park"?
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Talking Horse?!? |
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 An American tourist was driving in County Kerry in Ireland, when his car suddenly stopped.
When he got out to see if he could locate the trouble, a voice behind him said, "The trouble is the carburetor." The man quickly turned around but much to his dismay he saw only a horse in the nearby field.
When he heard the horse say again, "It's the carburetor that's not working", the American nearly died with fright!
Everyone knows that horses don't talk! He dashed into the nearest pub, had a large whiskey, and told Murphy the bartender what the horse had said to him.
In his soft Irish brogue Murphy drawled, "Well now, and don't be paying him any attention... I can assure you that horse knows nuttin' at all about cars."
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Chicken Coops and Seagulls |
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Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?
A. Because if they had four, they’d be chicken sedans!
Q. Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A. Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
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Scent of a Flower... |
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Q. What type of dog sniffs out new flower blooms?
A. Why a "Bud Hound" of course!
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Doggie Bag? |
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A family had just finished a nice dinner at a local restaurant. The portions had been very large, so when asked by the wait staff if they would like to have a "doggie bag" to take home the Dad said, "Yes, that would be very nice."
Minutes later, a little voice from a little tike at the other end of the table piped up and asked excitedly, "Does this mean that we are getting a dog then Dad?"
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Riddle Riddle... |
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Q. What do you call the place a dog goes for behavior lessons?
A. The train station!
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Dogs Changing Lightbulbs? |
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Q. If asked to change a light bulb, how would dogs respond?
A. By Species:
Afghan Hound: "Do I have to? It'll mess up my fur! "
Australian Shepherd: "First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle.... "
Basenji: "I'll wait for them to fix it, but now I'll chew on the couch while it's dark. "
Border Collie: "Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code."
Boxer: "Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark..."
Cavalier King Charles Spaniel: "I'm so cute I can crawl on their lap and they'll do it for me."
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| Results 1 - 17 of 37 |
Paul, a city feller went to visit a friend's farm. When he saw a very big beautiful black horse there, he decided that he must own it. He would buy the horse for himself! But Paul could not take justice home... 
