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Finding a Way To Cope
Losing a cherished pet can be devastating. What makes this kind of loss especially difficult is that it does not have the same social status as losing a human.
In addition to going through the typical stages of grief, we are also burdened with:
1. Embarrassment. We do not think we have the right to feel such overwhelming grief over losing an animal. But we DO feel such horrible grief, which is frustrating.
2. No Time to Mourn. Unlike losing a human, we are not allowed time to mourn. We are still expected to go to work, put on a cheery face and pretend nothing happened, which is equally as frustrating due to its impossibility.
3. No Chance for Heaven. Religious belief teaches us that animals do not have souls and do not go to heaven, which leaves us with no hope of ever reuniting with our departed pets.
In order to cope with our grief we must first address these additional burdens and put them to rest. First, we must realize that we do not need to be embarrassed. There are MANY other people who have experienced the same kind of devastating loss as we have. Talking to others is great therapy and can also affirm that you are not alone in your experience as others open up to tell you their own stories.
Second, take time to mourn. If you must call in sick for a day or two because you are not ready to put on a "happy face" for work, do it. You'll be surprised to find how understanding and sympathetic people can be, and that you do not need to feel guilty or embarrassed about having to take some time off to mourn.
And third, realize that "heaven" is an abstruse concept. Many divine concepts have been put into human words and described with physical characteristics because that is the only way we can attempt to understand them. The truth is, heaven cannot be described, classified or measured in worldly terms. Perhaps animals do not have souls in the human sense, but for all we know, they may have an even purer, childlike existence in the afterlife (animals did not, after all, transgress in sin as humans did). Do not close your mind to the possibilities, regardless of your religion, because one thing is for sure: Love transcends the barrier between our world and the afterlife.
Sometimes the loss of a pet takes us by surprise in its intensity of grief. Some losses are more difficult to bear than others. But there are some things you can do to help you cope:
1. Plant a memorial - plant a tree or shrub in memory of your pet, or design a special planting area. A garden stone or marker may help designate it as a memorial.
2. Create a keepsake - A photo collage can become an attractive conversation piece and bring back fond memories. Don't know what to do with those collars and tags but can't bring yourself to get rid of them? Frame them, bronze them, or hang them on a shelf with pegs (a figurine in the likeness of your pet on the shelf will dress it up, as will decorating, painting, or stamping the wood with pet designs).
3. Write - writing is great therapy, especially if you are having a very difficult time with sleepless nights. You can keep a "diary" to express how you are feeling. Get it all out! You can also write a tribute. Many web sites allow visitors to post tributes of their beloved pets.
4. Donate - donate to a humane organization in your pet's memory. This will bring something positive out of your loss. If you know someone else who has lost a pet, make a donation in their pet's honor--it is always an appreciated gesture!
5. Talk about it - Some people are more sympathetic than others. The trick is to seek out and find those who will give you the most emotional support. These people will usually be those who have suffered similar losses.
6. Focus on the positive things in your life - especially those revolving around love, such as your children, family, or other pets. Concentrate on appreciating them each day and spending time with them.
7. Keep busy - Find projects to work on. Make sure you don't have too much down time to dwell on your loss.
8. Fill the empty hole - Plan something you can look forward to. You need something to lift your spirits at this time. Sometimes a new pet can fill the hole, but don't get a new pet unless you feel absolutely ready for it.
9. Handle the death arrangements any way you like - Don't worry about what others think (don't let that embarrassment thing get in the way of coping with your grief--it's YOUR grief, and you have the right to deal with it in your own way!). Truly understanding people know that everyone handles grief differently, and those who don't understand are not worthy to be regarded.
10. Be patient - Only time can heal, and sometimes it takes a lot of it. Try not to become discouraged. The pain WILL subside, and you will be left with fond memories to remind you that it is indeed "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all."
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Source: Janice Biniok
www.TheAnimalPen.com
NOTE:
We remind you that a great way to honor your departed pet is by including them with a memorial star in our 10-year PetPix Time Capsule... where you can post their photos and a story to share the wonder of your special pet with the world!
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